You know it’ll be epic. You’ve been building up to this moment for three years – no, your entire school career.
You ran out of your last junior final with this overwhelming rush of freedom and before you know it, summer is long gone and you’re head and shoulders into the first quarter of your senior year. Or at least that’s where I am.
For those of you who aren’t in the same place as me (Hi, Mom!), I’m going to break down what it feels like to be a senior.
You’ve been warned about Senioritis. You know about driving. I want to talk about the things they don’t tell you.
Something that surprised me as a fresh senior was that the combination of Senioritis and driving means you really do have a life outside of Pinewood.
I admit that until now, as I haven’t invested my life in sports, all my friends and activities and work all orbited around school.
But this year, I find myself feeling like Pinewood is less of a hub and more of a place I go to work.
It’s still a home, but like my real home, it sometimes feels distant. This may seem obvious, but really having this feeling came as a surprise.
Something I’ve always wondered is why seniors looked so cool to us, back when we were freshmen.
Now that I’m a senior, comparing myself to the tall and confident seniors from my memories, I have moments where I wonder if the standards are being lowered.
But in seriousness, I think the most tangible difference is that we, as seniors, are not insecure about the things we used to be insecure about, not too long ago.
As freshmen we would tug each others’ arms asking anybody to walk with us, lest we be spotted heading to class alone and be judged for it.
Now as seniors we are confident just walking around on our own. Some walk with friends and some walk alone, but it is a preference either way and less ruled by what other people might think.
We aren’t desperate! For another thing: we are comfortable in our own skin. Our posture may not have improved, but if we’re slouching it isn’t to hide ourselves.
The reason seniors look cool is because they’ve been themselves for longer and they – we – aren’t nervous to be ourselves.
Then again it was hard to be true to ourselves when we weren’t exactly sure who ourselves were, I remember from freshman year. That really does just take time.
Going into this year, the biggest surprise was how my feelings for college have changed.
I don’t have an older sibling, so the world after high school was this impermeable black curtain.
However, this summer, after getting to go to an amazing pre-college summer program and learning that I can be an adult, I can finally not only predict but also picture the future after senior year.
And I know that graduation isn’t an end to my growing up, it’s just one more experience that sets me up for the next one.
And I realize that the cycle of self growth never really ends. Because guess what? I’m about to be a freshman again.