Editorial

Prison Break: An Attempt

By KHAN

Warlord and Jailtime Expert

Going to prison is not something that most students look forward to in their four years of high school. However, one student has been preparing for her time in – and escape from – prison for several months. Senior Katherine Ayumi Chui has been plotting her schemes for how to make her way into prison, how to successfully become a prison top dog, and how to ultimately escape. Chui has also taken the time to write a full report and breakdown on her plan: bits and pieces have been revealed from this plan, but the full document is currently classified material. Countless people have doubted her intentions and ability, yet Chui remains adamant in completing her schemes.

   “Number one rule: you don’t give away your plan,” Chui says.

   Let’s start by breaking down Chui’s strengths, or current lack thereof. At a whopping ninety pounds of pure lack of muscle, Chui does not appear to be any kind of physical threat to anyone but herself. However, critics should not be fooled by her twig-like physique. Chui, the self-aware individual that she is, does not plan on relying on her strength to obtain the top dog position in prison. She is instead going to find “underlings” – a term Chui uses in her detailed report – both inside and outside of the prison walls to help carry out her schemes. Although Chui has yet to have a reason to go to prison, she has already begun rallying up potential underlings, like her long-time best friend, senior Reilly Brady. 

   “[Chui] may appear unthreatening to the average eye, but sheer lack of any body muscle is exactly what makes her the perfect criminal mastermind,” Brady said.

   If you are still unconvinced, then rest assured – Chui is trying to build a small amount of muscle as a secure backup plan. Her “bulking” plan is to follow core and full body workouts every day for twenty-eight days and eat a lot of quinoa. Chui has refused to provide any comments or further details on this subject.